Phone Partners LLC [Teddy Ashford]

There was a few moments of silence on the other end of the phone line, and then the man on the other end responded. His voice was still, somehow, ever-so-upbeat and cheerful.

"Now, Mister Ashford, Theodore, can I call you "Teddy"? I'm going to call you Teddy. Now, Teddy, I understand that it is late at night, and that you have to deal with all sorts of wannabe businessmen asking for you to invest your family's money in some electrical wine corkscrew or their crypto startup that will "launch Web 3.0"... And I also understand that those people are quite annoying to deal with, people with no imagination, people like... Well, not to be rude, people like your brother, Ethan... and your father."

The man on the other end paused for a moment. Perhaps to gauge Teddy's reaction to someone badmouthing his sibling and his dad. Perhaps the man was just ordering his thoughts, preparing for the next part of his little spiel. Or, perhaps, he just had diverted his attention for a moment to something nearby.

"I mean, for all his high-minded preaching about the plight of Oddities and their suffering around the globe, what has your father actually done for them? Set up a micro-nation with stricter immigration standards than those in Japan? Launched a few PSAs? Given money to his own charities to "raise awareness" with magazine ads while he skims off the top? I mean, it's just like any other businessman with a pet cause. No commitment, no vision!"

A little bit of anger had creeped into the man's voice as he had gone on about the Ashford patriarch's activities and Oddity-related philanthropy. Though only near the end, and after a moment, it was gone. Back to bubbly, back to cheery.

"Anyways, I figured you would be interested in outdoing his pitiful efforts. In being someone that would be remembered as the architect of Oddity-equality, of a brave new world! With my help, in less than five years, you could do what your father wouldn't, nay, couldn't do for decades! You, Teddy, could have your own chapter in the history books! Does that sound appealing to you?"

Ethan Ashford

"Ah! My apologies, here I am getting all chummy with you and giving you my elevator pitch and I didn't even give you my name!"

The man on the other end of the line chuckled.

"I'm Doctor Möbius, Doctor Johann Möbius. You might have heard of my attempt to disrupt the energy industry? Or... the time earlier this year when I busted a hole in the eternal blockade around your family's little hermit kingdom and stole one of their submarines. Not that the O.S.E. knows I have one of their submarines, mind you. The exploding destroyers and the blimps and my Möbots and those Oddities on the ferry all made for an excellent distraction. From what I heard on the radio, they think it got destroyed by sinking Möbots."

Another chuckle went into Teddy's ear.

"Nice slippers, by the way. Are they from Harry's of London? Harry's came highly recommended from some of my earlier backers. "Once a customer tries on our shoes, or slippers, we have a friend for life.", they say."

Before Teddy could get worked up about the doctor seeing his slippers, Möbius continued to speak. There was a dangerous edge to his cheerful tone now, steel hidden behind sugary Midwest sweetness.

"I myself could never afford such luxuries, I just get what I can on clearance at Macy's. But I digress... Oh, before you ask how or why, there's a camera hidden in the portrait looking over your dresser, and a microphone in the overhead light. They aren't mine, of course, I think that they're your father's little gadgets or maybe they were planted by some corporate espionage stooge. I just figured out how to... well it's all quite technical and I'm sure it would be boring to describe the weeks I spent spying on your family and figuring out how to hijack those bugs, just like you probably don't want to hear how I cracked the launch computer for these cruise-missiles so I could aim them at your family's mansion, or how long it took!"

There was a brief pause. This was definitely so Möbius could let it all sink in. How much power he had in that moment, what he could do if he was on Teddy's side. What he could do if Teddy made him an enemy.

"Anyways, I doubt that Ethan knows about any of the six surveillance devices in your room, since he hasn't had the ones in his room shut off yet. And he hasn't gone to the place where I think all the data is stored, either."

The sounds of something clanking and something else clicking around nearby could be heard from Möbius' end of the line. That sweetness was fading away, replaced by something EAGER in Möbius' voice.

"You know what? I think you might be right. Doing business over the phone is just so impersonal! Now, myself, I was always a fan of long walks on the beach during my summers at M.I.T. Do you have a WhatsApp? Or some other, more secure third-party texting app? I know the perfect place to meet up tomorrow night, I could even give you a tour of my current "digs"... The captain's cabin has some decent wine and there's nothing quite like fresh-caught seafood dinner. I'm sure business over food is more your style."

Ethan Ashford

"Well, I would prefer a moonlight rendezvous, but if that's when you have time... Tomorrow at 4 pm it shall be!"

Teddy's phone buzzed and made a small ding noise. An alert for the not-quite-text message that he'd received via a third-party web-app. The message was two letters with a bunch of numbers in between them. Coordinates, for the longitude and latitude of a beach on the island that was still closed to the public after the hurricane due to debris and other dangers.

The cheery façade faded as Möbius spoke again.

"Come alone. That means no security detail and no entourage. Just you. And leave your cell phone in your car or at home. I'll meet you on the beach."

There were a few more clanking sounds, and then some whirring. And then, what sounded like a text-to-speech voice that had been modified to be very DEEP sounding suddenly spoke loud enough to be caught by Möbius' receiver.

"Doctor, we have been spotted by a civilian fishing vessel. Shall we prepare to dive again?"

"Yes, yes. But leave the boat, we can't be leaving too many messes behind us. Just uh... send a torpedo that near-misses them and blows up. Make their story unbelievable."

"As you command."

Doctor Möbius was all cheerful and smiley again as he turned his attention back to the phone.

"Well, I have to go. Reception is TERRIBLE underwater! Anywho, see you tomorrow at 4. Unless you meant 4 a.m. in which case, just message me back. Toodles!"

And with that, the call ended, leaving Teddy completely alone in his room without even a voice to keep him company. Well, maybe not entirely alone, his room was bugged and he was being recorded, after all.

As Teddy made his way to the beach, he was followed. Not by any people or cars on the road, that would have been too obvious. Instead, he was followed by... what appeared to be a scarlet macaw. Or, rather, looked like a macaw from a distance. Anyone that got a good look up close would have noticed the mechanical nature of its joints, and the eyes that glowed red with camera shutter irises and a little propeller sticking out of its head. Another propeller stuck out of the "bird's" back.

When Teddy arrived at the beach, passing some open-air showerheads, it was empty of people. What had only recently been a spot for sunbathing and swimming and enjoying the tropical sun of the island had been left a husk covered in trash, bits of wood, car parts, and random scraps of civilization that had washed ashore. There was a life-guard station consisting of a chair on three raised stilts, it had been four before the hurricane, but the nasty winds had torn one stilt away. There was also a shack with a sign depicting smiling snack-foods and a door half-hidden behind a privacy fence to a bathroom for beachgoers. The board with the snack-shack's menu on it was half-buried in the sand a hundred feet away, showing outrageous prices for hotdogs and popcorn and soda.

The bird-shaped-bot dipped down towards the beach, slowly descending in a circling pattern until... Little mechanical feet with exposed joints and metal popped out of the bottom of the faux-parrot. These feet grabbed onto Teddy's shoulder as the parrot-bot landed and spoke in a squawking, grating mechanical voice.

"Scrawk! Polly saw no landlubbers followin' this scallywag, and he has no cell or broadcastin' device! SCRAWK!"

Right after this, a man stepped out from behind the snack-shack. He was relatively average in height, and seemed to be a bit scrawny underneath his three-piece suit. It was a name-brand, but still off-the-rack, suit that had obviously been bought at something like a Men's Wearhouse or a department store and later brought to a tailor for fitting consisting of navy blue pants, a matching vest, and a blazer jacket that had alternating navy-blue and gray stripes. Underneath the whole get-up, there was yet more clothing, a white collared shirt and a polka-dot bow-tie. His black loafers had probably been polished and well-cared for until recently, when they'd been made to clomp around in sand and get filthy.

Perhaps the strangest thing about the man that approached Teddy, however, was his shaved head... and the chin-strap goatee beard. No, it was the mirrored shades that hid his eyes from view.

"Teddy! Great to see you in person! Hope you don't mind Polly here, he was a little pet-project of mine, just a bit of insurance to make sure you weren't followed or trying to turn me in to the authorities!"

Doctor Möbius, for that was who the man had to be, held out both of his hands and grasped Teddy's right hand. Then, he gave an enthusiastic full-grip, arm-pumping hand-shake before sliding to wrap an arm around Teddy's shoulder. As he did, "Polly" the parrot bot hopped off of Teddy's shoulder to land on Möbius' bald head. Möbius then gestured down the sandy beach to a rock formation that was visible in the near distance, existing right on the edge of land and sea.

"Come, walk with me! Dinner is waiting, and we have much to discuss!"

"Scrawk! Follow or die, follow or die! Scrawk!"

As they left footprints in the sand, walking side by side,  Möbius chuckled and waved his free hand in "Polly's" face. The mechanical parrot flapped his false wings and squawked yet again, indignantly, and called the good doctor a few rude and nasty names that would have made a seasoned navy-man blush. 

"Oh, ignore him. I programmed his speech generator to be cryptic and suitably "pirate-like". As for the tailor... maybe. See, this business operation is more of an "under the table" sort of thing. I'll explain after dinner, but first... our rides!"

They had made speedy progress to the rocks, and once they arrived, Möbius let go of Teddy and slipped behind one of the rocks. Once Teddy followed, Möbius gestured to a pair of... ordinary-looking jet-skis. Expensive ones, straight from one of the beachfront homes of a wealthy resident of the island, but ordinary nonetheless. They bobbed in the waves as Möbius gestured again, this time towards the horizon. As he did the second gesture, a strange little shape rose out of the water in the distance. A tower of some sort. Followed by... other strange shapes and a hump of something rising from the water.

"Now, I know that ordinary jet-skis what you were expecting after seeing the bird and the whole covert phone-call... I was going to use the Seal Delivery Vehicle, it's a specially type of two-man submarine, but that requires scuba gear to safely operate, and I just didn't want to deal with all of that. Plus, I figured you'd want to get as little of your clothing wet as possible."

Möbius stepped onto the rock near the jet-skis, somehow keeping his balance on the slippery stone as he deftly slid onto the seat of his chosen ride. Then he grabbed hold of the handlebar of the unoccupied jet-ski, and looked at Teddy.

"Come on now, before it floats away! I have to give you a tour of the Ohio-class submarine that the US navy lent to the O.S.E. for that little blockade they have going around your father's pipe dream. And then... dinner and a proposal that will make you a very, very rich man... and a famous one, to boot!"

"Scrawk! Follow or die, follow or die! GO FOR A RIDE, SCRAWK!"

As soon as Teddy seemed to be situated on his jet-ski, Möbius revved up the motor of his own vehicle and shot off across the water. It wasn't a particularly windy day, the eternal sea-side breeze was calm and gentle, and the water close to the island's shore was rather shallow. So, at first, the ride was quick and not too bumpy. Then, the jet-skis hit that magic line where sea-bed fell away into the depths, and the wind got a bit stiffer, the waves a bit taller. The bumps got bigger, and then the jet-skis were cresting little hills of water over and over and bouncing and getting buffeted around. Möbius was rapidly getting what might have been his best suit soaked, but he didn't care. Teddy, too, was getting covered in salt-water.

But they were closing on the strange tower on the horizon. It had grown, and more had been revealed below it. In addition to the strange tower, which turned out to have fins on the sides, there was a hump of gun-metal gray extending from the water, with decking and hatches and bumps and nodules and antennae sticking out. A submarine, rising from the waves. Around it, strange little black things skimmed about, occasionally breaching the surface, and what appeared to be a series of emaciated giants, or perhaps Popeye-lookalikes, were scuttling around on the surface of the ship.  Closer. Up and down and up and down, over another and another and another wave...

The things on the submarine were not people.

They were machines. Humanoid, but not living, just cold uncaring steel with bright, glaring red eyes like "Polly's". The things in the water were machines, too, but made of some sort of plastic or polymer, and painted black. They had bright eyes, too.

A score of red lights turned to fix upon Möbius and Teddy as they slowed and came up alongside the submarine. The machines in the water came up behind the pair and grabbed hold of the jet-skis, keeping them still so that Möbius and Teddy could climb up and off of them and climb onto the hull of the sub. Möbius climbed up it with little problem, seemingly used to the way that the waves buffeted the metal and the way it swayed from side to side. And once he was up, one of the machines, seemingly designed to have a speaker on its head that resembled a toothy grin, saluted him and spoke in an auto-generated voice.

"Captain on ship. Handshake protocols engaged, pillar of chain of command returned. Welcome aboard, Doctor."

Möbius chuckled and gave a sloppy, jaunty salute right back before responding.

"Thank you, First Mate! Return below-decks, we're going to dive!"

As he said this, a robot situated in front of the conning tower twisted a wheel and popped a hatch open, allowing Möbius and Teddy to clamber down a latter and quickly get themselves inside. They were followed by clanking, stomping metal feet until all of the walking, talking robots were inside a small room, before filtering through an open door.

The door led to a command center full of blinking lights and various consoles showing read-outs, each one manned by a robot.  The robot that Möbius had called "First Mate", which seemed to have a stripe painted on its shoulder in blue, spoke to the other robots.

"Captain on-deck."

The robots all turned, stood if they were sitting, and saluted to the good Doctor Möbius, who raised a hand and spoke.

"At-ease, back to your posts! Prepare to dive, and get us away from shore. Travel-pattern Alpha!"

"As you command, Doctor."

The robots returned to their stations. Some consoles were booted up, others had commands entered into them, controls for throttle and the filling of ballast tanks were used. And then... almost imperceptibly to the pair of people inside the windowless room, the submarine sank, allowing itself to be swallowed by the waves of the Atlantic.

"Amazing, isn't it? I mean, there's plenty of room for improvements here and there, and the reactor is unfortunately fissile in nature, but it's a marked improvement over the old Ohio-class subs!"


Ethan Ashford